unraveling ones

since before my first son was born, i have been experiencing an unraveling of sorts. maybe it's from the weight of knowing that i am raising a little one made in the very image of God. maybe because i was getting closer to age 30, when all the floodgates of unraveling seemed to open. here are questions from one unraveling....

~ is my life nothing more than the accumulation of stuff? is the point of my life to fill my house with more and more things, constantly in pursuit of the new?

~ why can no one tell me what the essence of masculinity is? when i ask white guys, i get everything from a dumb look to confused laughter to questions about whether i am being chauvinist. when i asked guys from Nigeria, they had a unified, concrete, respectful definition and identity as men.

~ why is it that i distrust doctors so much? i second guess everything they say. i want to check it out for myself. and i often come to conclusions without them.

~ why do i feel like i'm committing high treason by suggesting that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness may not be IT?

~ why do the parenting methods of the previous generations feel so "un-me." why is that i can't do the whole cry-it-out philosophy, that seems so key to western parenting culture, as most everyone before me has?

~ what is the REAL essence of Christianity? why do i get the feeling when i read the scriptures that large parts of Jesus' teachings and God's ways have been left out.

~ should my kids call you Mr. Smith, Joe, or Mr. Joe?

~ why is it ok to live life as i do when poverty kills people daily?

~ what has happened to the Christian church? why is the building the church? why is christian culture becoming more and more odd to me?

~ why do we live with nuclear families in little boxes of houses lined up in square blocks? who made that up? many want closer relationships, yet you have to drive 30 minutes to talk with a friend in person.

~ why is it ok to knowingly use materials, products and goods that will destroy the environment after human consumption.

~ why do we continue to eat foods and have lifestyles that we know kill us. (some other cultures don't even have heart disease.) what drives us to carry on habits that lead to earlier death and increased health bills?

i know there are others unraveling too.

may the unraveling ones find that one end of the rope is firmly tied onto Jesus the king. may HE tie the threads back together in the way he sees fit. may we not unravel to the point of losing -HOPE-.